On Yuffie's Inability to Not Annoy Vincent
by Lakara Valentine
Summary: Yuffie calls Vincent and hilarity ensues. AntiYuffie humorfic. T cause vincent gets pissed


**On Yuffie's Inability to Not Annoy Vincent.**

Vincent jumped when he heard a noise not unlike a dull drum roll. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was only his cell phone vibrating on the table across the room. He glanced at the front display to see who it was….Yuffie... again. Nearly all of his missed calls were from the little ninja. Eventually the phone ceased it's noisy dance across the table, only to begin buzzing again less than two minutes later. Vincent watched, mildly amused, as the phone jittered closer and closer to the edge of the table. _Hmm, I wonder of it's important. Maybe I should answer it...Nah!_

Finally the phone made it all the way to the edge of the table and he gave a small chuckle as it clattered to the floor. Hoping the fall had been enough to jar the SIM card out of place, he sighed again and settled further into his favorite armchair, preparing to resume his midday nap. The sigh turned into a growl when the phone started buzzing again almost five minutes later. He glared at the small black device, mentally ordering it to turn itself off as he was too lazy to get up and do it himself. The phone ignored him, as was expected, and instead began crawling towards him, coming closer with each buzz.

_Great, now she's figured out how to use telekinetics to make me answer the phone. ::sigh::_When it got about one foot away from the chair, Vincent picked it up and glanced at his call list after it stopped ringing. Surprisingly, there was at least one call from everyone else hidden among the deluge of Yuffie's. Deciding he would rather talk to Cloud than anyone else at the moment, he called him up.

"Vince?"

"Mm?"

"Yuffie wanted me to tell you to call her"

"……."

"Vincent?"

::click:: _Why am I not surprised?_

Completely fed up with a certain teenage ninja, Vincent climbed out of his current pit of laziness just enough to turn his phone all the way off, and resume his nap until she decided he needed someone to "check up on him." Unless, of course, that someone decided, for once in their life, to not listen to someone at least four years younger than themselves. However, in that case, she would have to come here herself and, regrettably, the only solution to that would be to scare her off with impending bodily harm.

Unfortunately, by the time Vincent managed to talk himself out of the chair and into his room to retrieve Cerberus, Yuffie (or one of her messengers) had arrived. Muttering under his breath as he moved towards the door, he used his claw to open it as he swiftly raised the gun into the intruder's face. Only succeeding in frightening the pizza delivery boy into dropping the pizza and running. _Oops, forgot about pizza._ He continued to grumble as he scooped up the pizza and walked into the kitchen……nearly dropping it while managing not to jump a foot in the air at the sight of a certain ninja sitting on his mini bar, swinging her legs while sipping sake.

"Hey Vinnie! What's up!?"

Vincent growled as he set the pizza on the table.

"Talkative as always aren't we Vinnie. Come on, what was I supposed to do when you wouldn't answer the freakin' phone? I thought you died!!"

"Cut the crap, Yuffie. What do you want? Besides my liqueur."

Yuffie jumped off the bar, trying to look innocent even when she was already half-drunk. "Awww, come on Vinnie, can't I just come over to say hi?"

"No, Yuffie, this is my house. Get out before I shoot you for trespassing."

" gasp Vinnie, you wouldn't!"

"Try me. You have ten seconds. Ten...Nine..."

She jumped as she realized he was serious and began running to the door. As she reached the doorframe, she turned around and tried giving him her most pathetic, pitiful, puppy-dog face.

It didn't work.

"Three….Two…." Vincent cocked his gun and aimed it at Yuffie's head. She shrieked and closed the door.

"One," he sighed, leaning his back against the door as he locked the deadbolt. He then noticed the open window she must have used to get in. _Damn it, I knew I should have invested in window locks... Oh well, guess duct tape would work 'till morning. _He then proceeded to tape every window, even those on the upper stories, and deadbolt every door leading to a street or balcony. Then he added window locks and surveillance cameras to the list of things he had yet to do to the house. Deciding it might be safe to make a third attempt at that nap, Vincent settled into his chair with a piece of pizza and a beer and turned on the TV.

He had just gotten interested in a good action movie when his phone started ringing again. _I thought I turned you off!... Oh well. _It was Tifa. He answered it.

"Vincent?"

"Mm?"

"Yuffie just called me –"

::click::

Determined to have a quiet night, he removed the battery from the back of the cell phone. If anyone decided to come visit, he'd give them three chances to leave and pull the gun on them. Much like the character on the movie had just done. Yeah, this was a good movie. Maybe even worthy of another piece of pizza. Vincent sighed. _At last, sweet silence..._


End file.
